i love the dirty projectors but ugh

I wrote this paper for my favorite class about the merit of beauty vs. meaning in art, kind of decoding Dirty Projectors’ “Hi Custodian.” (here’s a dropbox link if you want to read it)

Backstory: I wrote this in too little time and cared too much about the topic I had thought up and wanted to talk about all my feelings but couldn't because I didn't have enough time.

I am in love with my professor so his response to my paper was terrifying and enthralling:

Dear Ritu,
 Your paper is sprawling, unfocused, filled with diversions and unnecessary asides, and utterly wonderful. There is little point in pointing out the structural flaws or demanding more rigidity; you followed my prompt faithfully, and produced an insightful, eloquent, passionate and deeply intelligent essay on an important topic. Your grade is an A-. Rock on!
 A stellar weekend,
 L.

you me and the human experience

Usually when I feel really upset or weird about life, I revert to this middle school-esque "no one understands me I should post my feelings on a primitive form of social media" mood.

Last weekend, my water bottle broke in my backpack and killed my laptop (my laptop's name is/was :-( Snyder, because of the pretzels, because I really like those pretzels and I really liked my laptop). I have mentioned this sad sad sad chain of events to almost no one because it kind of re-affirms my "nothing really matters" scene kid surroundings that I endured whilst growing up. I don't know, I mean, crying over a dead laptop is such a sad sad mirror up to society, an action that would probably egg on every new-age guru on adverse technological effects on youth.

But, lo and behold, picture me Monday morning at 4:30 AM, halfway through an all-nighter and an abstract paper, crying over my dead laptop, quite literally. I hadn't cried in so long so it was especially sad because suppressing my emotions comes really naturally to me (and most of humankind), so being candid with myself and allowing myself to scrunch my face organically to completely lose my shit is w e i r d

I don't really know what I setting out to say in this post but I'm me. And I have my own stories that impact ME, I have tons I would never tell you or anyone else, especially on the internet. And you have tons of stories you would never tell me or anyone else, ESPECIALLY on the internet.

It gets kind of scary to think that I am typing out these emotions I'll be embarrassed by within the next 24 hours and you, my theoretical probably nonexistent reader, are trying to commiserate or attempting to pull any kind of emotion from your gut to demonstrate to me that the human experience is universal.

Imagine that.

Let me explain the last couple of days.

Hard programming lecture (everything sucks I hate everyone)--> Marie Calloway writes on my wall (omg I'm going to die happy I can't even)

McHottie apparently looked at my fb and called me "really pretty" and kinda wants to get to know me (wtf omg life is gr88 what's going on this can't be real)--> Gets stuck in the worst storm I've ever witnessed and realizes that even my Sometimes-Britney Spears Pandora station complete with Christina Aguilera's "Come On Over" and Hilary Duff's "So Yesterday" can't even make a shitty happenstance like this ok (i hate everything i don't get why this has to happen oh no my apple products are going to suffer water damage and die) --> "fashionable" backpack I bought yesterday is waterproof unexpectedly (aw yay that's actually gr8)

In all seriousness this past year and a half have been so disorienting for me, so I don't know the last time I've actually functioned as a normal young adult. So I'm asking: is this how we are supposed to feel, like a constant yo-yo of emotions based on current occurrences? Or is it (OH MY GOD MY PANDORA STATION JUST STARTED PLAYING TRULY MADLY DEEPLY-SAVAGE GARDEN oh my goshhhhhh) supposed to be a constant state of "happiness"/"sadness"/"anger"? Idk if I'm the only one here but my emotions seem so latched onto what's going on at the moment and it's strange to feel such a big spectrum of emotion because of such a big spectrum of events going on right now?

Maybe I'm still transitioning from the nothingness of summer (oh my gosh "hero"-mariah carey, pandora is on point) but I dunnooooo being an young adult is difficult

bye

there's a party in mahhhhhahhhh head and no one is inviihiiiihiiited/yoooooooo will never come close to how i feeeeeeeeeeeel

I feel like I have so many funny stories I don't share in time so I forget them, so today something funny happened and I'm going to recount it.

Today was my first day as an editorial intern for arguably my favorite mag (which shall remain nameless). And so naturally,  last night I tweeted about how I was "scared shitless" and how I was trying to find "last-ditch attempts to make me cool" before today.

The day went well. I met everyone, and everyone was of course so so so hip. I wrote this fashion piece my first day. I was so surprised they were letting me write something for the website the first day, also scared because I had never written fashion before, let alone a NYFW runway review.

Anyway, as I was wearily leaving, imagining all the homework I had for tonight, I wasn't really paying attention to the content director, my adviser as I said bye to her. And then she said, "We loved the tweet! It was cute." And keep in mind, she's scary and intimidating and ombred and fashionable and cool and totally high-profile. So I freaked out inside and was mortified and didn't know how to respond.

I was very embarrassed but I checked my email a couple hours later and she emailed me that she had sincerely meant what she said and not to worry because "we love your tweets.xoxo" I responded saying how embarrassed I was and not to worry about it because it was my fault. And she responded that I shouldn't be embarrassed and then said "You're adorbs.xoxo"

Aw, life is so weird and strange but she made me very happy by typing that on her iPhone, an adjective she probably didn't think too much of when she threw it out to me: "adorbs."

Also, I hate when people brag about how being in New York City makes 9/11 exponentially more poignant for you; but as I was walking home tonight, I saw flowers and messages and letters in front of this firehouse and a woman crying in front of it and wow, it made things so different. I don't know. It's so surreal to be surrounded by direct victims of something so tragic. 9/11 felt so far away until the 10 yr anniversary last year. But, it's not far away at all.

Good night.
"xoxo"

Got to New York on Sunday. Today was the first day of my sophomore year.
I don't know how I feel. I feel kind of all over the place. I will write more soon I promise.
I want to write write too soon. I'll get on that.
Good night, my only reader whom I love whom I miss whom I hope is having a good day and night.

Concerts- Summer 2012

I went to two great concerts this summer: Devendra Banhart and Dirty Projectors. I’m really big fans of both, so I knew it would be enjoyable but wow wow wow wow it was much more than that.

Banhart was with Ashley at the very beginning of summer (less than a week after leaving New York) and I was just getting to know her irl and so it was fun because our cr33py friendship was blossoming.

My favorite moment was when he sang “Baby.” It’s such a crowd favorite and holds quite a special place in my memory because of the the associations I hold with the song.

 (someone’s video i’m stealing, listen to the audience singing the “oohs” and his giggle 3:06ish)

Dirty Projectors beat Devendra for me though. Maybe it was because the audience was more receptive or I don’t know, I’m a bigger fan of DP? Regardless, it was incredible.

I feel like this band worked so hard to put together a setlist that not only just worked for them but also did wonders for their collective stage presence/beauty.

“Beautiful Mother” may be the most incredible thing I’ve ever seen live; this isn’t a recording from the concert I went to, but wowow their harmonies are impeccable they are such beautiful people

Their last song was “Impregnable Question” stealing someone’s video again but I agree with the girl at 0:50, it’s my favorite song on their new album too, even though there’s so many great ones (ABOUT TO DIE/THE SOCIALITES/GUN HAS NO TRIGGER)

Literally could fangirl 5ever so I’m going to stop but even though I only went to two concerts this summer (and a bunch of local LA bands), they were really unforgettable ones.

Good night.

Hi, I've been meaning to start a personal journal for a while. I HAVE A LOT OF BLOGS, a last.fm because I think common music taste should ~bond~ people, and a personal writing blog (that you can find if you are social media savvy) that is embarrassing and not updated enough and dashes any hope I have to creatively write as a hobby ever and a paper diary I write in when I get particularly sad/angry/upset/unhappy.

I think I'm going to start updating you about different aspects of this summer to help me remember them because this summer has been weird.

Concerts
Crushes
Friends
--bonding with "strangers"
Zines
San Francisco
Family

But, good night for now.